Wednesday, March 11, 2009

More culls from cix

[23/01/2001 06:18:07]

Scientists warn of increasing global warming. . .

In a surprise move, the UK government doesn't blame the internet.

[13/10/2002 14:50:39]


Sell the idea? Sell one of my children? One of my babies? Sell? Like for money? [pause]

Coo, can you do that?

[crem furtively eyes the room. It's full of ideas he's been nurturing for ages. He reaches out and grabs one as it scampers past; it is the idea for writing "The Story Of No" a tale of one man's complete failure to find submissive women. It looks adoringly into its father's eyes as he coldly weighs up the chances of selling the little bugger. He lets it go and reaches for another, then another. . .]

He reaches a decision: "Muhaha! It's time they paid for themselves! Sell zem! Sell zem all!"

[17/10/2002 02:40:01]

> We like you in grumpy bastard mode

Just as well since it seems to be happening more and more often ;)

Gah. Grump. Too much work. I need to change my life-style. Well, actually, I was thinking of getting a life to start with, then work on points for style later on. . . Hah. I should be so lucky. Oh, well, back to work.

[crem makes sure everyone else in the house is asleep. He furtively closes and locks the door to his room, switches on the computers and lowers the lighting. He settles down in a chair with a box of tissues. Aghast we watch as he opens up the secret directory containing files that decent people are afraid to discuss. Pornography? No, much, much worse, agh! unspeakable horror! My god - it's full of compilers! He cleans his glasses with a tissue and starts typing. . .]


Speaking of the goings on at Des Des there was the time JCL found the hose from an old vacuum cleaner in the back yard and started wandering around using it like an elephant's trunk, holding one end of it between his teeth.

JCL: "Hey, look at this! Nuff, nuff, give us a bun!

(Don't ask me for details now but that was the punch line of a joke involving elephants)

Crem: "Ah, do you know why that tube is out here?"

JCL: "No... Should I?"

Crem: "Maybe... It was thrown through the toilet window after Graham had used it to unblock the toilet..."

JCL removes tube from mouth. JCL looks at brown stains on tube... JCL goes an interesting green colour...

The gunpowder plot...

[clip from cix]

Apropos of this, back in the early Design-Design days there used to be a long-running project to fire a felt-tip pen across the road, over a stream and into a nearby park. This project, you understand, would get invoked after our all-night drink and drugs sessions.

We never had all that much success with the felt-tip pen projectile project, though on one memorable occasion we stuffed rather too much shotgun-80 gunpowder into a steel tube cannon, aimed it out of Graham's bedroom window and managed to make the felt-tip pen disappear altogether, which was counted by some of us as a successful launch. It certainly crossed the road, bits of it might have landed in the park. I suspect the bulk of it is still in orbit.

Made a fantastic noise, anyway. A sort of cross between a bang and a long-drawn out "woosh-fooooommmmm!", probably because a lot of the gunpowder was thrown out of the cannon and ignited in the air. Just as bloody well, I expect; that project proved on more than one occasion that the gods protect the stoned.

I miss those days. Life is too serious now :(