Today, for example, I wandered out of bed at about 1pm, as is my wont, and meandered downstairs to find Jan waving a box with what seemed to be a roll of scented wall-paper inside it. Apparently she'd been buying presents for my mother's birthday:
"Uh?" I grunted, brain firing on at least one cylinder.
"It's lining paper. For drawers. Makes them smell nicer"
"Ah. Isn't that rather uncomfortable?" <- Missing the point mode.
Then when that was explained she produced various scented soaps.
"She'll think you think she stinks" <- SOH failure mode.
Then she produced a ceramic, well, thing. It was teapot shaped and flat, with a recess. A bit like a squashed ashtray. She waved it at me and said rather belligerently:
"Last time we were there I noticed she didn't have one of these"
[Look of total incomprehension. Why the fuck would a non-smoker have a squashed ceramic ashtray?]
"It's for teabags. You put them in it."
[Even blanker look. You clearly wouldn't get more than a mouthful of tea out of it. What is she going on about?]
". . . after you've used them. . ."
[Simon decides today is not to his liking. Returns to bed.]