Friday, November 27, 2009

Suicide bombers

The other day a friend and I were discussing the way the press call suicide bombers cowards. Call 'em idiots, if you like, that's generally appropriate, but cowards? I wouldn't have the guts to do it...

Then that led to us pondering [gross simplification alert] the whole Muslim paradise concept that these idiots are sold - die with the name "Allah!" on your lips and you are guaranteed an eternity of virgins, endlessly renewed... Well, think about it - what sort of pathetic inadequates would want to spend eternity in the company of virgins? The whole idea stinks of primitive misogynistic stupidity - give me an experienced lover over a virgin (or under, I don't care... sorry...) every time.

It's all a bit worrying, really - "Allah" sounds enough like "Aaargh!" that it could happen by accident. One wrong syllable and I could find myself educating virgins for eternity; remind me - is this supposed to be heaven or hell?

Maybe that's why black-box flight recorders show that the last word of people who know they're about to die is almost invariably "shit!"... Far less ambiguous than "Aaargh!"...

Hmmm. After due consideration I've decided to opt for re-incarnation and come back as a lesbian, who in their right mind wouldn't? Though knowing my luck it'll be as a lesbian sheep with all the frustration that implies. Gah...

Oh, shit - thought of something worse than being a lesbian sheep - might come back as a lesbian in one of those backward countries where the women have to go round wearing tents lest the sight of naked female flesh (we're talking about arms, legs, faces, etc here, nothing risque) drives the so-called 'men' wild with lust - ever stopped to think about their revolting logic? The men make the women cover themselves up because the men say they can't trust themselves not to rape women who are uncovered? What does that say about them? Learn to control yourselves and leave women alone...

Those wondering what I've got against sheep might not know that a female sheep that wants sex basically signals this by standing still. That's fine if you're a heterosexual because eventually the ram will notice and spring into action, but if you're a gay female sheep it's a bit of a non-starter... You stand still. If you're lucky another female likes you and... stands still... Then you both stand about being embarrassed and fending off unwanted males. It's a bit like a student disco, now I come to think of it.

I'm going off this whole lesbian thing, it seems fraught with difficulty.


  1. There are female suicide bombers now. Presumably they get 'rewarded' with an eternity of male virgins.

    Probably why there are so few of them.

  2. I've gone off the term "suicide bomber". I prefer the more Pentagon-esque acromyn N.S.S.B. - "Not So Smart Bomb"

  3. ...and how do you edit a comment when you miss type "acronym"?

  4. Mind you with my guts it's just as well I wouldn't do it, can you imagine the mess? Bring a whole new terror to biological weapons and mass destruction...

    Spelling? Who'd have noticed, and if we did we'd probably just think it was the yank version.

  5. Sadly there has already been a suicide bomber who went with an internally fitted device who from accounts manged to make a mess of the room.

  6. Thank you for that Rob... I'd missed it completely...

    I do wish they'd stop arseing about.

  7. Haha,
    I see I made it onto your facebook page with that link.

    BTW, sorry about the unexpected skype appearance as EvilK*** it was my import from gmail wot done it, honest guv.

    I liked the XTC reference about the shed BTW